SHIT HAPPENS


TAOISM: Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM: Confucious says, "Shit happens."

BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.

PROTESTANTISM: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.

CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.

JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to *us*?

ISLAM: If shit happens, kill the person(s) responsible.
       When shit happens, kill Salman Rushdie.

EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.

SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.

REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: When shit doesn't happen, don't call a doctor -- pray.