Bumper stickers and Buttons

 1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
 2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
 3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
 4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
 5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
 6. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
 7. This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
 8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
 9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
10. I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?
11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
12. You! Off my planet!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
16. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
17. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
18. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my
    cat.
19. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
21. Meandering to a different drummer.
22. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
24. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
25. And just how may I screw you over today?
27. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
28. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
29. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
30. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
32. Allow me to introduce my selves.
33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
35. Better living through denial.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
38. Adult child of alien invaders.
39. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
45. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen
    asleep yet.
47. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
49. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
52. Adults are just kids who owe money.
53. I plead contemporary insanity.
54. Is it time for your medication or mine?
56. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
59. Earth is full. Go home.
60. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
61. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
64. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
65. Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.