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\begin{document}

\underline{\textbf{\large
	Do You Have Two Cows?%
}}

\begin{description}
\item[Feudalism]
	You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
\item[Pure Socialism]
	You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a
	barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
	the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
\item[Bureaucratic Socialism]
	You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a
	barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
	ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
	government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
	you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you
	should need.
\item[Fascism]
	You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
	care of them, and sells you the milk.
\item[Pure Communism]
	You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them,
	and you all share the milk.
\item[Russian Communism]
	You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the
	government takes all the milk.
\item[Dictatorship]
	You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
\item[Singaporean Democracy]
	You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two
	unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
\item[Militarianism]
	You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
\item[Pure Democracy]
	You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
\item[Representative Democracy]
	You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who
	gets the milk.
\item[American Democracy]
	The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for
	it. After the election, the president is impeached for
	speculating in cow futures.  The press dubs the affair
	``Cowgate''.
\item[British Democracy]
	You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go
	mad. The government doesn't do anything.
\item[Bureaucracy]
	You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you
	can feed them and when you can milk them.  Then it pays you not
	to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the
	other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you
	to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
\item[Anarchy]
	You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
	your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows.
\item[Capitalism]
	You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
\item[Hong Kong Capitalism]
	You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
	publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
	brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap
	with associated general offer so that you get all four cows
	back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk
	rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
	intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
	majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
	milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
	the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 
	Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
\item[Environmentalism]
	You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or
	killing them.
\item[Feminism]
	You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
\item[Totalitarianism]
	You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
	ever existed. Milk is banned.
\item[Political Correctness]
	You are associated with (the concept of ``ownership'' is a
	symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past)
	two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines
	of non-specified gender.
\item[Counter Culture]
	Wow, dude, there's like\ldots\ these two cows, man. You got to
	have some of this milk.
\item[Surrealism]
	You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
	harmonica lessons.
\end{description}

\end{document}

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