% Translations into English, all over the world.
%
% Text: unknown.
% Typesetting: Volker Kuhlmann, 7 Sep 1995, 26 Apr 2001
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\begin{center}
\LARGE\bfseries\
Bad Translations???
\end{center}
\vspace{5mm}

Okay, we have all heard it\ldots\ be it in English, Spanish or any
other native language\ldots\ a person who is not a native speaker,
attempts to say something, and well\ldots\ they say something funny
instead\ldots\ When it's a friend, we laugh with them, and correct
them\ldots\ when it's a business\ldots\  well\ldots\ I think we can
just laugh\ldots

A friend of mine went on a ``round the world'' trip\ldots\ actually he
visited some 20-odd countries over the course of a year or
more\ldots\ almost all by plane\ldots\ so I guess he really didn't go
round the whole world\ldots\ just most of it\ldots\ At any rate,
here are some phrases, written in English\ldots\ in some not so English
places\ldots

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In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:\\
        Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
 
In a Budapest zoo:\\
        Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any
        suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:\\
        Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:\\
        The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo bar:\\
        Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Japanese hotel:\\
        You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Zurich hotel:\\
        Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
        opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
        used for this purpose.

In a Tokyo Hotel:\\
        Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a
        person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Rome laundry:\\
        Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having
        a good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:\\
        Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:\\
        Special today -- no ice cream.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:\\
        Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:\\
        Drop your trousers here for best results.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:\\
        Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in your
        room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:\\
	When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
	Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
	your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Outside a Paris dress shop:\\
        Dresses for street walking.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:\\
	The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we
	regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:\\
	To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
	should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
	wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
	order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:\\
	Please leave your values at the front desk and enjoy with peace of
	mind.

In a hotel in Athens:\\
        Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
        hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:\\
        The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
        chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:\\
        You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
        Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
        Thursday.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:\\
        Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:\\
        Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
        boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:\\
        Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:\\
	Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
	dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
	rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:\\
	Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute
	customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:\\
        It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
        people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
        together in one tent unless they are married with each other
        for that purpose.

In a Bangkok temple:\\
        It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as
        a man.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:\\
        We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:\\
        If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Tokyo shop:\\
        Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best
        in the long run.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:\\
	---~~English well talking.\\
        ---~~Here speeching American.

In a Nairobi restaurant:\\
	Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

On the grounds of a private school:\\
	No trespassing without permission.

On an Athi River highway:\\
	Take notice: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

On a poster at Kencom:\\
	Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help!

In a City restaurant:\\
	Open seven days a week and weekends.

One of the Mathare buildings, Mumabi:\\
	Mental Health Prevention Centre.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:\\
	Do not activate with wet hands.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:\\
	No children allowed.

In a cemetery:\\
	Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
	graves.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:\\
	Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours
	in bed.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:\\
	Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:\\
	Please do not bring solicitors into your room.

Hotel brochure, Italy:\\
	This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from
	all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:\\
	The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
	that you will be unbearable.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:\\
	For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

From the "Soviet Weekly":\\
	There will be a moscow exhibition of arts by 15,000 soviet republic
	painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
	years.

In an East African newspaper:\\
	A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the
	contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

Hotel, Vienna:\\
	In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:\\
	Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

In the window on a Swedish furrier:\\
	Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:\\
	Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

In a Swiss mountain inn:\\
	Special today - no ice-cream.

Sign in a hotel window on the Annapurna Circuit, listing the services
on offer:\\
	Sightseeing\\
	Laundry\\
	Service

From the menu at Muktinath, Annapurna Circuit, sweet \& sour section:\\
	Sweet sower rice.

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