% glass-of-milk.tex
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% The Glass of Milk by the Keyboard
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% Source: suse-linux-e mailing list
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% Typeset by Volker Kuhlmann, 16 Apr 2000.
% Typeset with LaTeX 2e.
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\documentclass[12pt,twoside]{article}


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%\usepackage{helvetic}\AtBeginDocument{\sffamily}	% PostScript Helvetica


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\begin{document}

\begin{center}\Large\sffamily
	The Glass of Milk by the Keyboard
\end{center}

\begin{description}
\item[Optimist]
    The glass is half full

\item[Pessimist]
    The glass is half empty

\item[Futurist]
    The milk's in the wrong half of the glass

\item[Pascal programmer]
    Well, what type of milk is it?

\item[C Programmer]
    No thanks; I drink straight from the jug

\item[Assembly programmer]
    No thanks; I drink straight from the cow

\item[Basic Programmer]
    No thanks; I'm still breast feeding

\item[MIS COBOL Programmer]
    I'LL DRINK IT IF YOU GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR

\item[Fuzzy logic guy]
    I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk

\item[Prolog Programmer]
    I know I drank it --- just don't ask me how

\item[Non-Procedural Language Programmer]
    I drank it when nobody was looking

\item[UI Designer]
    What's that crap in my glass?

\item[Pentium User]
    I drank (Glass $*$ 0.49999999\ldots) but don't hold me to that

\item[Windows User]
    Where's my straw?

\item[Mac User]
    Where's my pump?

\item[UNIX User]
    Nahhh\ldots\ too easy

\item[Multimedia author or Shareware game author]
    That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for

\item[Security Consultant]
    Where'd the rest of the milk go?

\item[CIA]
    What makes you think that's milk???

\item[NSA]
    We know what it really is

\item[Copy Protection Crazies]
    Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!

\item[Free Software Foundation]
    The milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!

\item[Bill Gates]
    Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk\texttrademark
\end{description}

\end{document}

%% EOF glass-of-milk.tex
