% engineer-if.tex
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% Source:
% email from someone
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% Typeset by Volker Kuhlmann, 09 April 1998.
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\begin{document}
{
\Large
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER\ldots
}
%\begin{itemize}
\begin{list}{\labelitemi}{%
\itemsep 0.2ex plus0.1ex
\def\makelabel#1{\hss\llap{#1}}%
}
\item
if you have no life---and you can \emph{prove} it mathematically.
\item
if you enjoy pain.
\item
if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do
long division.
\item
if you chuckle whenever anyone says ``centrifugal force''.
\item
if you've actually used every single function on your graphing
calculator.
\item
if when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
\item
if it is sunny and 30\celsius\ outside, and you are working on a
computer.
\item
if you frequently whistle the theme song to ``MacGyver''.
\item
if you always do homework on Friday nights.
\item
if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the
derivative of water.
\item
if you think in ``math''.
\item
if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
\item
if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to
break down its wave function.
\item
if you have a pet named after a scientist.
\item
if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
\item
if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually
performed the Schroe\-dinger's Cat experiment.
\item
if you can translate English into Binary.
\item
if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science
building which says ``Exit''.
\item
if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer,
because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
\item
If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
\item
if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to
contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
\item
if you consider \emph{any} non-science course ``easy''.
\item
if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you
claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so
precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in
the universe.
\item
if the ``fun'' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack
of use.
\item
if you'll assume that a ``horse'' is a ``sphere'' in order to
make the math easier.
\item
if you understood more than five of these indicators.
\item
if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
\item
if you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to
all of your friends in the form of e-mail.
\end{list}
%\end{itemize}
\end{document}
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